Sneaky Salty Bitch Biscuits (Ted Lasso Biscuits – Shortbread Cookies)

Ted is persistent. Let’s give him that.

 

Even though Rebecca turns him down upon the first delivery of morning biscuits, he keeps it up. And he wins her over.

 

Biscuits with the Boss

 

Rebecca – Good morning, Coach Lasso.

 

Ted – Hey, look at us. Couple of worm-addicted early birds, am I right? Well, I’m glad I caught ya. I brought you a little something. Yeah. Cookies. Or as y’all call ’em here, biscuits, right? 

Though, I do not recommend you smother these in gravy.

 

Rebecca – Ted, I don’t really…

 

Ted – Come on now. Take a lookie there. -Those do look good. -Right? Go ahead, take a nibble. That’s it. Away you go.

 

Rebecca – Fuck me. Where did you get these?

 

Ted – I’m glad you like ’em. You know what? I’ll start bringing these to ya every morning. Call it “Biscuits with the Boss.”

 

Rebecca – That really isn’t necessary.

 

Ted – Okay, well, mark this down as the first time we disagree then. Actually, no, second time. Tea is horrible. Absolute garbage water. I don’t know why y’all do that. Anyhoo, you know, we can’t really be good partners.

 

Then, in the Season 2 Finale – Ted has a particularly rough night (and, consequently tough morning) and adds a bit too much salt (swap the salt for the sugar). And, this is what happens:

 

Rebecca – (eating a biscuit) Oh, God. These taste like sh1t.

Ted – Oh, yeah. Well, it was a rough night, and I am now absolutely positive that I switched the salt and sugar. I’m sorry about that.

Rebecca – No, no, no. WAIT. (continues to taste the biscuit) No, it’s interesting. She’s a sneaky, salty bitch.

Ted – Like Heather Locklear on Melrose Place, right?

Higgins – Oh, yeah.

Keeley – That’s exactly how you’d describe her.

Rebecca – (savoring the biscuit) Oh, Heather.

 

 

Sneaky Salty Bitch Biscuits (Ted Lasso Biscuits – Shortbread Cookies)

 

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup (2 sticks) salted butter, room temperature
3/4 cup powdered sugar
2 tsp. coarse, crunchy (whisky) salt

 

Preheat oven to 300 degrees.

 

Sift flour and salt, mix into a bowl, and set aside.

 

Mix butter on high speed (stand mixer or hand mixer) until fluffy (3 to 5 minutes).

 

Gradually add sugar slowly, continuing to mix until pale and fluffy.

 

Add flour all at once and mix until combined.

 

Butter a square pan or line with parchment.

 

Pat and roll shortbread into the pan, no more than 1/2-3/4″ thick.

 

Top with coarse salt (SNEAKY SALTY BITCH).

 

Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.

 

Score into rectangular biscuit cookies.

 

Bake until golden and make sure the middle is firm, approximate bake time is 45 to 60 minutes.

 

Cool completely. 

 

Finish slicing and serve in pink little gift boxes. (Sorry guys, I couldn’t locate the little boxes in time to post!)